now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
