See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
