I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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