Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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