Umm I'm too high to move.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
