I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
