I wish I could punch you in the face.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
