So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
