when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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