Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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