Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
