just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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