And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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