My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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