i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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