Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
