I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
