I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
