i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
