Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
