he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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