Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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