I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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