soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
