I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
