Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
