U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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