So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
