I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
