he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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