she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
