The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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