Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
