yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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