Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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