So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
