my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
