so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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