How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
