i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
