i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
