I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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