dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
