You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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