i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
