I cockslap morals
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
