ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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