I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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