i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the day after is always just damage control
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
