Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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