yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
