i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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